Comfort food con: Why emotional eating won’t fill the real void.

Feeding Feelings:

Why Comfort Food Can’t Satisfy the Soul

If you’re like me, you’ve had those nights when, once the kids are in bed or when your partner is traveling, a familiar loneliness creeps in. And I’ll be honest: the answer has often been waiting in the kitchen. Cookies, ice cream, chocolate chips, whatever I can find. I know the frustration of trying to fill that void with food, only to feel empty again as soon as the last bite is gone. If you’re on a similar path, I want you to know you’re not alone, and there’s so much more to explore about how we can heal beyond what’s in the pantry.

Let me take you back to the beginning of my story. I moved multiple times as a kid, each new school bringing that ache of feeling like an outsider. The hardest move was halfway through my senior year of high school, right when it felt like I should be celebrating with friends, looking toward graduation. Instead, I was starting over again, feeling like I didn’t belong. In those lonely times, food became a quiet friend—something I could rely on to ease the discomfort and sense of not fitting in.

As I got older, emotional eating showed up more often in my life, especially during the tough seasons. There was a painful broken engagement that left me feeling lost, not to mention moments I never could have prepared for, like when my dad had a massive heart attack and stroke, and my mom suffered a brain aneurysm.

Those experiences shook me, and my old comfort—food—was there, ready to help me cope, even if it couldn’t really heal anything.

But emotional eating only takes us so far, and often in the wrong direction. That lonely ache, that need for comfort, only finds a short-lived balm in food. Let’s dive into how emotional eating plays out and why it never truly fills the void.

Understanding Emotional Eating:

More Than Just Hunger

Emotional eating isn’t about satisfying physical hunger; it’s a response to emotions we can’t easily express or manage. You might be reaching for that ice cream because it feels like comfort on a lonely night, or that bag of chips might provide a sense of control in a life that sometimes feels beyond control.

If you’re like me, this kind of eating might come when:

The kids are finally in bed, and silence fills the house.
You’re alone on nights when your spouse or partner is away, and the evenings feel empty.
You’re feeling the weight of big life events—like when I thought of my parents’ health scares and how that fear seemed to cling to me.

At the root, emotional eating can be tied to a sense of emptiness or loneliness, making us reach for something immediate, like food. But as you’ve probably noticed, food only brings comfort for a fleeting moment. And then, before long, the same feelings come rushing back.

Why Food Fails to Fill the Void

Food seems like a quick answer, but it’s only a Band-Aid. I’d find myself digging through the kitchen, hunting for something to eat, but what I was really searching for was comfort, connection, and belonging—things I’d struggled with for so long.

Here’s why food falls short:

The Comfort Doesn’t Last
You’ve probably noticed that after finishing your favorite treat, the loneliness or stress doesn’t actually go away. I’d sit there feeling guilty, even emptier than before. The truth is, food is designed to fuel the body, not the heart or mind.
Physical vs. Emotional Hunger
Emotional hunger feels intense and often brings cravings for specific comfort foods. When the urge to eat isn’t coming from genuine physical hunger, no amount of snacking will bring satisfaction.
It Creates a Cycle
Emotional eating can quickly turn into a vicious cycle. You eat to cope, then feel guilty about eating, and that guilt pushes you to eat even more. This cycle can spiral, keeping you locked into patterns that make it harder to address the real issues underneath.

Breaking Free:

Steps to Overcome Emotional Eating

Breaking free of emotional eating requires something deeper than sheer willpower. It’s about listening to yourself, truly recognizing your needs, and finding ways to meet those needs without reaching for food.

1. Acknowledge and Identify Your Triggers

Becoming aware of your triggers is essential. I started noticing that my cravings spiked whenever I was feeling particularly lonely, especially after those big family moves or during periods when my husband was traveling. Keeping a journal helped me connect the dots, revealing moments where food was replacing comfort or companionship.

Try jotting down your emotions and thoughts each time you feel the urge to eat emotionally. Common triggers might include:

Feelings of loneliness when everyone else is busy or asleep
Stress or fear when facing family challenges, like I did with my parents’ health scares
Boredom during quiet hours when distractions fade

Recognizing these patterns helped me get to the root cause of my cravings and start building strategies to manage them in healthier ways.

2. Practice Mindful Eating

Mindfulness, which I used to think was just for meditation, has become one of my most valuable tools in eating. Practicing being aware of eating helps me slow down and genuinely listen to my body instead of rushing to fill an emotional gap with food. Here’s how I started:

Eating Slower: Taking small bites and pausing helps bring attention back to the experience.
Limiting Distractions: I try to sit down at the table and focus on my meal, avoiding distractions.
Noticing Each Bite: Savoring the flavors and textures reminds me of the purpose of food, bringing awareness to whether I’m truly hungry.

It’s helped me separate physical hunger from emotional hunger, making it easier to walk away when I realize food isn’t what I actually need.

3. Replace Emotional Eating with Healthy Coping Mechanisms

I had to discover other ways to manage my emotions without turning to food. Here are some alternatives that have been powerful in my life:

Journaling: Writing down my feelings, praying through them—especially after those big moves, heartbreak, and family health scares—has been cathartic.
Walking or Exercise: Even a short walk around the block lifts my mood and helps me process stress without reaching for snacks.
Calling a Friend: If I’m lonely, a call or even a quick message with a friend provides the connection I’m truly craving.

Finding ways to replace food with these alternatives has been transformative. Now, when I feel that familiar urge to reach for comfort food, I ask myself, “What do I actually need right now?”

4. Set Realistic, Positive Goals

Breaking old habits takes time, and it’s crucial to set realistic, compassionate goals. Instead of expecting perfection, I began setting small goals, like journaling when I was feeling overwhelmed or going for a walk instead of grabbing a snack. Celebrating these small wins has kept me motivated, showing me that real change is possible.

Embracing Self-Compassion Over Criticism

I used to be my own worst critic, judging myself harshly when I turned to food for comfort. But I’ve learned that self-compassion is far more powerful than criticism. Whenever I find myself slipping back into old patterns, I remember to treat myself kindly, acknowledging that old habits don’t change overnight.

Building a Supportive Environment

Sometimes, creating a supportive environment is all it takes to avoid temptation. Now, instead of keeping junk food at hand, I stock the kitchen with healthy snacks like fruits or yogurt. I also created a quiet space in my home where I can journal or meditate when I’m feeling overwhelmed, making it easier to cope without resorting to food.

Final Thoughts

Addressing emotional eating isn’t just about changing what’s on your plate; it’s about rewriting a story that’s often deeply personal. My journey with emotional eating has been shaped by feelings of loneliness, fear, and loss—moments when food seemed like the easiest, most accessible comfort. But the truth is, real comfort comes from facing those feelings and seeking connections that truly fill us up.

If you’re finding yourself caught in a similar cycle, know that you’re not alone. You deserve real connection, self-compassion, and the fulfillment that comes from nurturing yourself in ways that last. Taking that first step might be challenging, but every small change brings you closer to a life where food is just food, and your heart is genuinely full.

As always, I am here for YOU. I genuinely care and it is my privilege to share the journey with you.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

emily moss of thrivyest lifestyle fitness and accountability coaching for women

YOU ARE CAPABLE OF LIVING YOUR HEALTHIEST & HAPPIEST LIFE.

If you’re looking to create healthy habits to gain more energy, improve your sleep + shed a few pounds, you’ve landed in the right place.

Let's Connect

I Moved In With a Client Who Couldn't Lose Weight — Here's What I Discovered

By Emily Moss • April 28, 2025

Think you're doing everything right, but still not losing weight? Discover the hidden daily habits that quietly sabotage weight loss progress.

healthy food is not the same as weigh- loss friendly food

How Much Should You Eat to Lose Weight After 45? Why Portion Sizes on Packages and Recipes Don’t Work for You

By Emily Moss • March 31, 2025

Why Portion Sizes on Packages and Recipes Don’t Work for You—and What to Do Instead You’ve tried eating “clean.” You’ve followed influencer recipes. You’ve stuck to the portion sizes on the box. So why are you still not losing weight? If you’re a woman over 45, you’re not imagining it. What worked in your 30s doesn’t work now. Your body’s changed—thanks to hormones, stress, sleep, and a naturally slowing metabolism. And no, there is nothing wrong with you! You’ve just been following advice that wasn’t made for you. In this post, you’ll learn how to: Accurately determine your daily calories and protein Decode food labels and misleading recipe portions Portion your meals for real fat loss Apply a dead-simple “high-protein test” to any food or recipe Build awareness without obsessing or restricting This is real-world nutrition for real women over 45 📦 STEP 1: Why "Serving Sizes" on Packages Are Misleading Food labels are meant to standardize, not personalize. The serving size on the box? That’s based on what the average consumer eats—not what you need for fat loss. Here’s what you need to know: A “serving” is usually determined by marketing or FDA regulation—not health needs Some serving sizes are laughably small (looking at you, cereal and granola) What you need depends on your body size, activity, and goals 🧠 Real talk: If you're trusting the label or recipe to control your portions, you're outsourcing your results to a marketing team. 🔍 STEP 2: Learn to Read Nutrition Labels for Fat Loss (Without the Overwhelm) You don’t need to become a dietitian—you just need to know what matters. What to focus on: Serving Size in grams – Not cups or handfuls. Use a food scale. Calories per Serving – Is that for 100g or 25g? Watch carefully. Protein in grams – This is key. You need 30–35g per meal minimum. Starchy vs Non-Starchy Carbs – These aren’t the same. (More below.) Ingredients – Look for protein-rich items first, not oil or sugar. ✅ STEP 3: How to Tell If a Food or Recipe Is Actually High Protein Here’s a simple test that works every time: 🔎 The High-Protein Test Take the grams of protein and add a zero . If the calories are equal to or less than that number , it passes. 📌 Examples: 30g protein → Add a zero → 300 If the meal has 300 calories or less , it’s high protein If it has 450 calories? It’s not protein-dominant—it’s just a food with some protein Use this test on: Frozen meals Cooked recipes Packaged foods Leftovers ✅ Use this to quickly spot meals that support fat loss—not just “look” healthy. 🧮 STEP 4: How to Find Your Calorie & Protein Targets (Simple Math) Forget apps that confuse you. Here’s a realistic way to set your daily targets: 🔹 Daily Calories for Fat Loss 👉 Goal weight × 10 Want to weigh 140 lbs? → Eat around 1,400 calories/day Goal is 160? → Around 1,600 calories/day 🔹 Daily Protein 👉 Goal body weight × 0.8–1.0 Goal is 180 lbs? Aim for 145–180g protein/day This sets you up for: Lean muscle retention Fewer cravings Better fat loss results (especially after 45) 📌 Important: Prioritize hitting your protein target daily, even if your calories vary slightly. 🍽️ STEP 5: Portion Your Meals Based on You—Not the Label or the Recipe This is where most women overeat without realizing it . Let’s say a pasta bake recipe says “serves 6.” But is that 6 servings for a 220-pound man trying to bulk... or for a 145-pound woman trying to lean out? Here's how to fix it: Enter the full recipe (in grams) into MyFitnessPal or Cronometer Check the total calories and protein Weigh the cooked dish in grams Divide the total weight into servings based on your calorie/protein needs 📌 Example: You need 450 calories and 35g protein per meal. Recipe total: 1,800 calories, 140g protein, weighs 1,200g. → Your serving = 300g No guessing. No scale anxiety. Just results. 🥗 STEP 6: Build Your Plate the Right Way (What to Measure and Why) ✅ The Fat Loss Plate Framework Animal Protein (4–6 oz cooked) Chicken, turkey, lean beef, fish, eggs Must hit ~30–35g protein per meal Non-Starchy, Fiber-Filled Veggies (150–300g) Broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, mushrooms, leafy greens Add bulk and fullness with almost zero calories Starchy Carbs (75–125g cooked) Rice, potatoes, lentils, beans, oats Energy source—but easily overdone without measuring 🛑 Skip the “add healthy fats” advice. You're already getting enough from oils, dressings, and meat. Adding avocado or nuts “just because” leads to stealth calorie overload. ⚖️ STEP 7: Ditch the Cups & Spoons—Use a Digital Scale You don’t need to measure forever, but you do need a short period of accuracy. Why grams > eyeballs: A “cup of rice” can vary by 50–70 calories depending on scoop A “tablespoon” of olive oil can be 10g or 18g (that’s a 70-cal swing!) Grams are consistent, cups are not Use a kitchen scale for 1–2 weeks to calibrate your food awareness. You’ll be amazed how quickly you internalize what 125g of rice or 150g of veggies really looks like. 🧠 STEP 8: Know the Difference Between Starchy and Non-Starchy Carbs Carbs aren’t the enemy—but you need to know what kind you’re eating. 🍠 Starchy Carbs (Measure & Track) Potatoes Rice Pasta Beans Oats Quinoa 📏 Measure: 75–125g cooked (depending on your goal) 🥦 Non-Starchy Carbs (Eat More, Worry Less) Zucchini Broccoli Cabbage Mushrooms Cauliflower Leafy greens 📏 Measure: 150–300g cooked/raw They bulk your meals without breaking your calorie budget. 🚫 Common Mistakes Women Over 45 Make With Portion Sizes Avoid these to accelerate your results: ❌ Trusting the label or recipe blindly ❌ Skipping protein or thinking 12g is “high” ❌ Pouring oils without measuring ❌ Confusing “healthy” with “fat-loss-friendly” ❌ Using volume (cups) instead of grams ❌ Not weighing cooked vs raw (especially animal protein) 📌 Cooking tip: Always weigh animal protein after cooking for accuracy in ounces. 🧭 STEP 9: Use Tracking as a Temporary Awareness Tool (Not a Diet Sentence) You don’t need to track forever—but you do need a clear picture of what you're really eating. Track for 1–2 weeks to: Understand portion sizes Identify hidden calorie bombs Build a roster of go-to meals that hit your goals Stop second-guessing your plate 🎯 Pro tip: Save high-protein, goal-aligned meals in your tracker for easy logging and repeat use. 💼 Why This Matters More With Aging As you age, your: Calorie needs decrease Protein needs increase Muscle loss risk goes up Metabolism slows down “Portion wiggle room” shrinks But the solution isn’t starving. It’s precision with freedom . You don’t have to eat boring food or go low-carb. You just need to eat the right amounts of the right foods for your goals. ✅ Recap: What Portion Size Should You Eat? Let’s make it simple:

How to Stay in a Calorie Deficit While Still Cooking Real Meals